Monday, December 11, 2017

Blackest Friday in the Multi-Reality of the Golden Orange Imperatur

It is nearly that time of year, once again. The Shattered Moon drifts lazily in the sky, the winds chill and become thick with ash, the Flumph Herds wend their way Aereth-ward in their majestic migrations, and of course (most importantly!) vendors everywhere reduce their profit margins somewhat to entice religious fervor and dysreasoning in the masses. When we last visited this topic, nigh on 3 years ago, it was an exercise in Gygaxian democracy. At this time, let us put politics and argument aside and point out that what really opens these Kaotic gates across the Land of Thrend and the multiversal Aereth is a weakening of the planar barriers due to a lust for savings. I do not think I put a fine-enough point on it, before. Well, how do we combat this weakening in our own hearts, and in the interdimensional meson-boson exclusionary forces? One way to accomplish it (as is well understood by most laymen and initiates into the mysteries of Science) is to blast these weakenings with Tachyon Accelerators - explosive, rewarding, and prone to obliviate your own great-great-grandfather.  Also, expensive.

Another way is to simply refrain from purchasing things! It's not Austerity, exactly, it's more like self-control for the betterment of causal reality and one's community.

To this end, henceforward, the Golden-Orange Imperatur has ordained, on pain of death, that Citizentities shall refrain from approaching Kaotic Hot Spots for purchases on the post-gratitude holiday. Further, no transactions shall occur between networked, aetherical, astral, or any extraplanar sentiences for purpose of exchange of goods for coin, scrip, or barter.

Tax holidays are NOT in effect, except on Hypersailboats, Spelljammer craft, Keeps and/or Keep components, and cloned Kaiju for registered Kaiju-Brawling agents.

Aleaxes will be deployed if purchases are detected, and Modron armies are en route to interfere with delivery of saleable goods without permit of the Golden OrangeThrone.

REVOKE SALE (4th level M/U - 2nd Level Cleric) - an ongoing sale is suddenly and irrevocably ended, and previous low prices already paid are recanted. The difference between the sale price and MSRP is deducted from the inventory of the PCs

TIERED WEBWAY SUMMONING (5th M/U, 5th Cleric). Summoner may choose individual, preferred planes to summon creatures from, and other planes are excluded within the radius of effect of this spell for the entire duration. One might choose, say, Elysium and the Disney Plane, but not the Sports Plane, except for a substantial, modest upcharge. For the sake of encouraging competition. The Orange-Gold Imperatur makes absolutely no additional moneys above and beyond the usual ones owing to the effects of this spell, except on a DC 4 Will save. His associates and cronies, either.

(I gave up on this crummy post since it got too depressing for me - maybe you can find some worth in it)

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