Monday, December 22, 2014

A Contest Full of Hot Air

Just the other day I was saying to myself and maybe another person on G+ "Contests are fun and I lament that I have no prizes to give away or else contests would be a thing I do."  I mean, I do have assets to give to prize-winners but I am smeagolish on hard copies of Old Skool things since these are the second times I've acquired most of it and such.  There was a snag on my own digital product that I am too lazy to rectify that hangs up the bestowal of that thing on Champions and Victors as freebies - when my act is together I may rectify this but I have little patience for customer service email or queues, these days.

But the Steam sale occurred recent-like, roughly coincident with me running Into the Odd by Chris McDowall and published by Paolo Greco.  It's a charming little thing and it seemed tight like a drum and ready to play and I don't know that we played it as much as I talked it out like drone drone drone adjective noun verb give me a saving throw

Anyway, enough self-criticism - I had fun, and I think they had fun - and incidentally airship travel, both short-distance and long-voyage came up again as a trope. Like in big-ass fantasy blimps and also teeny-tiny little taxi dirigibles where you murderhobo the proprietor and he falls over the edge of the basket and swings like a meat pendulum spurting blood in graceful arcs, and the City Watch blimps close in and do you want to navigate the thing through the gap in the giant ziggurat sewer system or ditch it and run like hell through the shitty Frothing Gates?

I digress again.  The airships. I don't know why I'm fascinated with them. I dig steampunk, I guess, but not like these kids these days.  Not my standard cup of tea. I like my fantasy slightly more advanced than medieval with printing presses and I'm beginning to dig the notion of trains and dirigibles.  Guns. Not just arquebuses but AUTOARQUEBUSES.  Maybe a postal system like in later-era Discworld.  Then there was the Airwhales of the Ashen Sea, above the Glassine Wastes but maybe they deserve another post sometime.

What does this mean, Mr #noahtax?  Yeah maybe a post on that later!  So, I bought some multiplayer dirigible warfare game on Steam and the price was cheep and so I have 4 or 5 codes to give away.

But then, that's not a contest if you just give it away!  So maybe hit me with a flying blimp-hunting predator or a character or some sophisticated technology or a blimp and crew or some fluff or a DW move - anything fun and blimp-y and a little different.   Seems like I seen a bunch of goggle-y eyed captains and air pirates etc and little Mecha-mechanics in school girl outfits. Gimme some dirigible related stuffs and i put you in for a steam code (I think there's 4 or 5 left in the package).  Note: I hear the game is good but can't vouch for it, yet, seeing as how I got sucked into Batman: Arkham City last week.  So this could be one of those things where it's a contest that is not a fun prize, but it looks like it's well-supported and got a DLC community built in via Steam

If you find yourself unable to win a Steam thing, I get you a free DIGITAL COPY of HHSOLO1 and anyway I will lower the price for the New Year and add some content for everyone that bought it already.

On the Amtrak to Manhattan right now - if you're into the Christmas thing then have a merry one and happy Hannukah (tonight is the last night maybe?) and I'll catch you in '15

The Bagwhale Transports of the Fungoid Island Peoples

Hanging above the Glassine Wastes are the Drifting Lands, suspended by weird Sorceries and sometimes tethered to the ground far below. Many are smallish and grow only bare moss or Insectoid Flitter nests, but some are vast and have been settled, or were settled before the cataclysm that lifted the Aereth into the sky and irradiated the land beneath.  The clever indigenous peoples have harnessed the power of flight by domesticating many mutanti species - one of which is the graceful and placid Bagwhale. These are used for carrying trade goods to other floating islands above the caustic Ash Sea below, and the Panthrydactylae are used for hunting and air-combat.

Although the hunters and scouts must be initiated into the mysteries of the fungal pods to communicate to the Panthrydactylae, anyone with some calcium ore or bones or other foods can wheedle a Bagwhale into service. They float through the well-understood process of protonation and hydrogen accumulation in fleshy sacs on their dorsal regions. Baskets are slung below and they are gently directed with taps and music and drum beats. The western Sky-Islands are famous for their singing Bagwhales that (so it is said) can remember the shattered beauty of the lands below as they once were.

This hydrogen buoyancy places Bagwhales at great danger for explosion when attacked by electrical discharge or open flame - almost unheard of amongst the peoples of the Floating Islands but very commonly used by The Howling Raiders and their shoggoth-powered skiffs.

maybe some DCC stats for this in a bit.

NY I am almost in you 

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Into The Odd - The Haunted Bubblegum Factory

There you go, that's it.  Pretty self explanatory for my main man +Alex Chalk

There's your prompt, sir - see Chris M.'s freebie for gum brands at:

"A factory, riddled with paranormal activity, and it still makes/once made a popular brand of chewing gum"

It's going to need vats, and big paddles in giant mixers, and maybe it's automated or there are workers that do it artisanal style

It doesn't need to be haunted, I guess. Infested?  occupied?  one of those might suit you better.

Also, there should be a way to work in a catchy jingle and some competing brands of awful but rare (and thus prized) candy or candy bars and gum


To preempt the most obvious monster:

"The Gum Wraith

In the year 189X, before this country's fixation on The Fine Arts of the Springy Chaw, only a few small Gum Guilds existed, and they mainly served the wealthy in Bastion's Upper Crust.  The owner of Horace's Hoary Horehound brand (one Flernt McTrode, Esq.) was known to use whatever herbal ingredients were at hand in his special proprietary blend of "27 Secret Herbs and Spices" sometimes varying the recipe by as much as 15 ingredients more or less - usually less.  In the autumn of that year, during a particularly harsh economic downturn coinciding nicely with a drought, Mssr. McTrode purchased in haste and error a brick of wormwood harvested in the light of the moon in a potter's field. For the shillings he saved (which he and his wife quibbled over incessantly and that drove her to cuckold him) he let loose a minor catastrophe.  Beginning with the disappearance of his wife, there followed in the district a great number of vanishings, of people of all rank and station.  All were creditors to McTrode, and some had romantic linkages to his wife and her sister - McTrode patiently explained to the press that Mdm McTrode was on a fur-buying expedition on the continent and would be back when the fashion season commenced again.

When the truth was revealed - his animosity and pent up embarrassment managed to animate whole vats of chicle mixed with his latest blend - McTrode was tarred and feathered and the Triple H brand was liquidated and the proceeds sold to the widows of the district.  Madame McTrode returned from her vacation to find herself a pauper and her husband a fugitive from Bastion.  He is reported to have travelled the country advising other learned craftsmen, and was influential in rise of the Chewing Gum Craze of the 1920's.

a Gum Wraith is an animate and dimly aware mass of fermented Chewing Gum, animated by spite or other strong emotions.  It attacks with Big Chomping Teeth for 1d6 per round, and on a Critical Hit it will swallow the character in question. Any successful melee hits upon it require a Dexterity save or else the attacker is stuck fast in the mass. a successful Strength saving throw will free him or her, but allies can pull him or free by sacrificing an action for a full round.  Cold effects will do improved damage, and heat will do reduced damage and allow the Gum Wraith two attacks per round.

If swallowed, a PC is likely lost but permanent injuries may be sustained instead at the Judge's and players' discretion.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The Aviary of The Contemptuous Saint - Into the Odd Challenge

Alex challenged me with this:

"Dungeon. 5 rooms minimum, 10 maximum. Max 3 pages, map included. Theme: birds. Everything should be pretty. Nothing can be ugly. Nothing can be gross. Everything's outward appearance should be pleasant and delicate. The place should nonetheless leave you feeling creeped out and uncomfortable. Include an Arcana that's a frescoe."

Whew!  A bit far afield from my usual dusty musty catacombs and sewage-filled tunnels, but this makes it all the more challenging!

More on that issue later.

For now, take this Monster and Arcanum as the first salvo in our Into The Odd duel, sir!

Slogging Faepog
These are simply chassis of Alumel and fine porcelain wired around a seething pickled Fairy.  Highly illegal in most multiverses, since the magical fae battery that powers and motivates it is a breach of the 1876 French-Alfgrimnean Paranormal Torture Conventions. Any Fae creatures that see these monotonous abominations will become unhinged and attack immediately.  The Faepog can complete simple tasks and carry non-heavy items, and are often used as couriers and laborers when the tasks are delicate and non-pressing.  In the presence of cold iron, the magic that suppresses their natural chaotic whimsy begins to degrade, and they can become spiteful and violent in the manner of a belligerent drunk. To create one, start with a stout sealable jar, some fine brandy, and a pixie, nixie, sprite or smallish elf.

HP 4, Armor 1, attacks with pointy digits for 1d6.  If the jar is broken, the fae critter inside will retreat and tattle on everybody involved.

Arcanum: Merfolk Pennywhistle that when blown, the user can walk through water as if it were air for as long as the whistling continues - however they will drown in air and can swim through it for the same duration.  The whistling trebles the chances for random encounters owing to its shrillness and may arouse the ire of Dagon and Neptune

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Into The Odd - mini review

Into The Odd

Seems suspiciously rules-lite; I mean there's little to get in the way of a fast game with 3 stats and HP. I'm seriously trying hard to imagine so simple a game... There was that one mod that reduced the DW stats to just the modifiers that the 3d6 would have given you - admirable, in my opinion.

character creation is Lickety split, and the main drivers of the game : arcana are essentially weird magic items.  Level advancement comes in a couple of simple well-delineated stages.

I could see some really trippy mods for this : Luck, Dungeon World moves, Realms of Crawling Chaos items. Sanity rules maybe, and uh, that Oz game I always go on about could get shoehorned in there.

It's class- and race-free, and the setting is implicitly freeing to cook up your own stuff.  I think you could use this to play "Over The Garden Wall" from last month like in about 4 minutes you're off and running. A nice compromise between some more trad RPG and narrative type things

I'm suitably intrigued.  Very easy to grok and customize and quaint and charming little pseudo random charts are abounding.  It's vague enough to permit a great deal of creativity and just barely rulesy enough to stay together for a game that will need no consultation of the book under time pressure

3.5 out of 5.3 wizard hats, with a finger of algae-laced bourbon floated over the top

Beware the sacrilege!

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Slave Pits of the Prepuberty Undercity

I received A1 - Slave Pits of the Undercity last week as a prize in a G+ PbP campaign(Mike Davison's Jousting Faire at Normandie).  Also B2 - The Keep on the Borderlands - another whole post on that thing, let me tell you what, Master Baggins.

I love the A1 thing; If I recall correctly it was the very first module I ever owned.  Obviously, I was lost like a babe in the woods at the age of 8 and I only tried to push it past my gaming group a handful of times and never ran it, even in my early 20's.  But It marks my conception of AD&D and D&D indelibly, along with a bunch of other Basic D&D stuff, and the G and D series, and The Dwellers of the Forbidden City.  I never had the rest of the A series until much, much later - not even the compendium they put out.

So, a burned out wreck of a temple, rife with humanoid and human slavers, a couple of wild monsters, and enough undead and monstrous creatures to put you through your paces.  Also! the traps!  Only a slaver would put so many traps in... but anyways, since you guys dig the bulleted format with pseudo random tables etc.

roll d12 for your SPOILER OF CHOICE:

1) Man, this thing is tough! You need 6-8 level 4 and up characters, and these are hardened heroes that already cleared out an evil cult (presumably)
2) Part of the tournament experience is short and sweet and brutal, and starts at a boulder that covers the trapdoor in a blasted ruin.  In the non-tournament experience, that trapdoor has a whole actual temple above it, with a feisty platemail cleric and her three orcish warriors who are ready to whip your ass before you even get into THE DUNGEON part
3) There's maybe a boobie being touched by a semi-sentient carnivorous plant, if you're into boobies.
4) SO many traps.  And lots of drowning!  This is 1ed, so there's no burning any fru fru Luck points, and the Hobit don't share 'em out.  Your 2ed rope-work is very likely to come in handy, but not if you came from Kara-Tur, since we don't care about Honor or Calligraphy, here, if you please (unless you're buying forgery slaves).  HAve some Nekode handy, gozaimas
5) Relatively low treasure density - this is not a solely XP for gold game.  Those orcs are going to go down in 1 hit and just to piss a guy off I might change the silver holy symbols down to SP instead of GP since, Jesus, there's like a whole wall full of 'em
6) Pretty deadly random encounters (notably, there is an admonition to keep track of certain available levels of e.g. ghouls and some of the tougher hominid-types)
7) I think maybe the best treasure is (easy to find since it's all in BOLD) - maybe Gauntlets of Dexterity?  A Stone of Diminution (got a Troll on top of it, fuck that's a spoiler, sorry).  A Ring of Shooting Stars (always wanted one of these, myself)
8) The insect men remind me of the Gamma World equivalent, and I bet when people under-estimated them back in the day they really took you to town.  I think this module probably set a good tone for BE CAREFUL and led to many TPKs (probably some friendship breaking ones)
9) None of the NPCs are identified by name.  Brilliant.  Looking back, I think that B2 does this, also
10) A giant flame-thrower on a cart, with some very clever orcs manning it.  Throw your molotov over this way.  Its use is debatable, since the Orky engineers wot thought it up have a general Orky understanding that your typical medieval peasant-turned murderhobo cannot muster
11) This is the module that A) started my close and long-standing love of Kayen Telva and B) ruined me for all other Elfs (except maybe Melf)
12)  Fuck I think my heater is about to explode.  ROLL AGAIN

This kind of perversion teaches kids bad values.
Anyway, it's a pretty mediocre thing, now that I read it again with growed-up eyes ...( PSEUDOFREUDIAN ASIDE:  I think it may also have been that particular booby with the sundew tentacle that prompted my sexual awakening and that's why I only think of sticky plants in the shape of piles of rags when I do it but I digress, and then I have to wash myself with vinegar or strong wine)... and the rest of the Slaver's Series is notable for stressing that THE NPCs (and even the monsters in the dungeon, especially the ogre-lead orcs in the sewers) are not to be trifled with.  The orcs are mooks for sure, but they have a strong sense of self-preservation and are prone to NOT advancing and instead hanging back and crossbowing the PCs to smithereens.  It really does go a long way to making one think about charging head-first willy-nilly into combat, and how no adventurer worth their salt would be so bold and reckless, I mean, shit you wouldn't even get through the door if the slaver orcs didn't know you were legit Bandit-Slavers and they could smell alignment like nobody's business and them's not slaves, they're half-orcs and you are SOOOO busted, MF goody goody!

I see some other objections that it was a little rail-roady; I think it kind of represents a poor design of go-for-the-throat with some on-the-rails problems, and yeah, I mean, that was maybe a way to do it back then but I don't think most of the dudes/ladies I do this with these days would bite that hook.  They dig some agency or maybe the illusion of it, to hang their dice rolls around.  I mean, Dwellers of the Forbidden City is a relative masterwork of "Go Forth and Fuck Around!"

No beer.  I been without beer for a couple of days and just dying to get my hands on some of that Shock Top Pseudo-Kentucky Bourbon barrel stuff.  O man.  I'd gank a dwarf for one of those right now.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Beginning (Tentative) January 2015 - The Hapless Henchman's HIDEOUS DEEPS Podcast

One thing experience has taught me is that 1) if it's not documented adequately, for liability purposes, it didn't happen so CYOA and 2) you'll forget every good idea unless you act upon it or write it down and 3) strict numerical accuracy is important but not necessarily critical and 4) you can trust everybody out there not to snatch up your cool idea and roll with it when you're too slow/feeble/busy to act upon it

So:  A podcast (podcats? eh?) where yeah yeah we all heard the actual play shit, and we all heard the roundtable thing but this is both of those chocolate and peanuts butter TOGETHER man, wherein the guest is the focus of the PLAY and also the focus of the DISCUSSION, the idea being STEAL THIS DUDES/LADIES judging/dm-ing juju via playing with them under very specific and loose but interesting conditions, namely

randomness, player-driven narrative style, and known rules-sets

So like a lot of folks go on and on about what is the OSR? why does the OSR? who can be is the what howcome the OSR? which, to my mind, is not as fun as LET'S PLAY THIS GAME THAT MAKES US FEEL

The idea being to see what a standard well-regarded or poorly-regarded/possibly widely despised judge will do AS A PLAYER under conditions of their choosing but the setting does not vary, namely A MF DUNGEON and it can be as gonzo or whatever as the player requires within their choice of ruleset.  The judge, in this other case (not the judge under scrutiny) being ME, and maybe I get to learn how to A) Play Better B) Judge Better 3) Edit Audio 4) shill my friends' in the community stuff and talk about the shit that interests us as DMs/players of RPGs

You stat yourself up, sir or madam as the case may be, name your rules-system, and off we go, together, one on one with your contingent of meatshields as needed, into a traditional Dungeon Setting that is stable and consistent and prompts us to MAKE A STORY TOGETHER with as much narrative leeway or flexibility or rigidity as your style and rules-set requires

I can do (adequately)

Dungeon Crawl Classics
Moldvay (also L/L, S&W, ACKS, whatevah)
ADD First Edition
Dungeon World
Star Frontiers
Gamma World
any number of fiddly little d100 based things
Several early Games Workshop Systems, including but not limited to Necromunda, WHFRP 1st edition, and maybe Inquisitor but WTF we'd need to work that out
Gamma World
Star Frontiers
I played a lot of Palladium stuff back in the day TMNT 4ever
I would even be willing to experiment with some FIASCO and (badly maybe but HOLY BALLS) In A Wicked Age
Your Choice of System, provided I can learn it within a compressed span

The dungeon start is stable and unchanging.  Your wing/delve/chunk is either pre-generated by other players, or else made ON THE FLY with an agreed-upon protocol, and OFF WE GO for a one-on-one session, with you AS you-in-game all Guardians of the Flame n-shit

then, we talk about the thing later, or not, as you like - and you shill a thing, review a thing, expound gaming philosophy, funny anecdote, MUST INCLUDE shill somebody else's thing in a fair and honest review and maybe I figure out how to get you a t-shirt, and the content we generate together posted to Your and My Blog, or whatever, and maybe if there's money or something we give it to charity

Fuck Yeah

I want a CoC version of my friend Paul to enter with some trepidation into the steamy under-sewers of the Hideous Deeps, with a snatch of a clue and some Grim Purpose, and we can cook up some neat stuff as we go, but this is not to exclude my other friends of course you should all enter into my horrible dungeon and then we can talk about what happened as your avatar of you died and etc

I'd even be willing to go myself a couple of times if needed...

Anybody bite that hook?

SPACE DUNGEON Missile Weapons

So the Space Dungeon campaign started and was well received - now languishing.  Not because I'm not into it, but partly because the spawn is doing a real interesting growth spurt, I'm dealing with some seasonal stuff that makes interpersonal interactions taxing maybe, and I dunno, maybe just I'm blocked or something. But I was thinking about how to sort out the missile weapons issue in SD - like, I was set on having it based on Rogue Trader and some Star Frontiers since those are pretty easily found and adjudicated, but since the SD game is run on a chassis of Dungeon Crawl Classics, well - there ought to be a way to do it with the existing rules and not have a clusterfluck of new stuff to cope with on the players'/DM's part.

The best thing that DCC has is (IMHO) relatively simple mechanics based on a d20 resolution in which better/worse odds are bumped-up dice chain rolls.  Easey peasey.  No problems.  Not to get into the more exotic weapons offered by Rogue Trader (for example the vortex grenade and the conversion beamer and grav guns, which HOORAY are making a comeback in 7th edition 40K) but what it comes down to is (roughly) pellet/auto guns, beam guns, and bolters/gyrojets - just like in Star Frontiers.  There's some other types, sure, but for simplicity and SAN sake, I'm going to keep it pretty simple.  It seems to me that maybe a couple of easy rules ought to suffice, and I will explain where I'm coming from to keep it realz and eazy, y'all

1) Ammo ought not to be a hassle.  You buy 3 gyro jet rounds for your pistol/rifle, well - we all know how many rounds you have, and I expect it to fall on players to keep track of that shit, 'cause I'm all concerned with the WAWAWAWAWA sound of the shoggoth-daemon engines in the hover-skiff, and maybe a little drunk by 1030PM and maybe the drama DOES rely in a sense upon how many rounds you have in your gun - let's be frank, here, shall we Frank?- but if I forget and you forget, then how important was that dramatic moment, really?
2) Misfires and jams are dramatic.  You know how I know?  Because I played Space Hulk on the table and in the guts of my 1993 shitball 450mhz/25 megs of ram PC - and let me tell you, Brother Marine, when those blips turn the corner and are revealed as 3 or 4 genestealers charging down the hallway to chew your ass up, you can bet that a misfire at the last second will make your heart beat a little bit fast and when Brother Bethor goes all AAAAAAAAUUGHHHH! even though you heard it maybe a thousand times in the past, well, MISFIRE.  FUCK.  I almost had it.  The Emperor Sayeth Bless Your Weapon and Anoint it Against Misfires and Jams, and these things are A Direct Reflection Upon Your Worth, Brother.  Now strike the rune of completion and go forth to smite the heretic... You get my drift?  Upon the razor edge of misfires doth a story hinge and these are good
3) Cost Ought Not to Be a Deterrent in The Future.  Whereas in the medieval past, cost OUGHT to be a deterrent, so as to motivate, it is my learned opinion that maybe you could (like see Gibson, W.) buy/rent a cheap plastic Thai gun at an exorbitant rate and Hope For The Best, and also a wealthy operative could go for the Newest Baddest Smartgun, etc. al.  So, you could buy some Low Quality stuff and it would be hilariously disastrous since You Are a Cheapo

What rules come from this?  I haven't sussed it all out, yet - in fact I'm going to throw caution to the wind for this one since I've 4 or 5 glasses of box wine in me:

1)  see table, below, for results.  No 0-level schlub should just wang-dangle a firearm or small arm around like it's no thing, barring, of course some strange military training (this is NOT Traveller, BTW).  Maybe a max for 0-levels on the firearm attack roll of a d16 since it's more fun this way
2)  Each 1/2 of price equals and maybe equal to and greater than a con-commitant DOUBLING of the fumble threat.  I admit I stole the critical hit/fumble thing from Zach S. or whomever since he's (I admit freely) a genius.  In this case, you purchase that CHEAP RUSTY SHITTY BROKEN PLASTIC Slug Thrower, you should expect, in no uncertain terms, that it may misfire or jam/run out of ammo about a third to a half of the time you use it.

I confess, slug that I am, that I have not perused what the CRAWL! has to say about this.  There was a whole firearms issue, and I am a bastard that I did not purchase or cannot find it.  I don't know.

Slug/Bullets/Small Arms
These are quaint, but reliable ways to deal death to others.  They rely upon an explosive charge to propel a non-motivated metal slug through the air at the enemy.  They require regular maintenance and cleaning, but tolerate some abuse.  They may fire every round, for 1d8 damage, and each subsequent round fired adds a cumulative +1 to the fumble range, so look out!  The following applies to attack rolls:

less than 1 to 0: critical fumble!  Your gun explodes, doing as much damage to you automatically as it would on a succeful hit.  Reduce the die type for each Luck point you burn
1: Fumble (or modified fumble range result)  Your gun is broken!  No more attacks with this weapon until a complete repair is accomplished, normally not possible within the span of a delve.  Spend a Luck point to disregard.
2 (else the fumble range plus 1) to 5: Your gun is jammed, out of ammo, or whatever.  No more attacks until you can sit down and clean it or service it, but this is possible within the course of a game.  Ought to be easy with a cleaning kit/repair kit/whatever
5-8: Jam!  Spend 1 round fiddling with it, back into the fray thereafter

On any subsequent misses, the gun is out of ammo entirely, and more needs to be secured (of the appropriate caliber if your campaign uses that stuff) before you may use it again.

These are fairly sophisticated and advanced weapons requiring highly developed batteries and energy-channeling knowledge.  Pretty expensive but few working parts, if you get my drift.  They are more expensive, and sometimes prone to failure.  They do 1d12 damage per shot (in addition to modifiers for type, if you're into that, a la Carcosa)

less than 0 to 0: Kaboom!  You're partially vaporized, chum!  A catastrophic failure of the battery or energy focuser means the weapon is destroyed, and you get 2d12 points of damage, no save!  The good news is, you could get a robot hand, now.
1 to 5:  Power down!  Your battery holds insufficient charge.  Lose the attack, and no use of this weapon until you are able to find a charger or work out some charging scheme.  In 40K, and maybe in Akira, there are all kinds of ways to recharge the battery of your Lasgun - some of them are unsavory.
6-9: Overheat - lose this attack, and the weapon is available to recharge when you can wait until the end of the combat round to recharge, or until 1d4-Luck modifier combat rounds pass if you are unwilling to forgo the round voluntarily (good luck).  Burn a point of Luck to find it mysteriously recharged again, dammit.

These are a step up from the slug/projectile thrower, in that the propellant doesn't go all at once INSIDE the weapon.  The propellant is like a rocket, in that it stays with the projectile and may be spent directionally to aid the aim of the projectile in some cases, and also the whole thing explodes nicely when it gets there with a satisfying THWUMP or KOOM or something.  They also do 1d12 damage, modified by the firer's Agility modifier.

Less than 0 to 1:  FRAKATAKKADAKKA - the whole magazine ignites in a frenzy of combustible death.  Save at DC 17 Fort or Die, reduced to a fine red paste that covers allies and enemies alike.  1d3 of your goods survive the explosion (Judge's call). If you make the save, your body is recoverable, but you're still killed/imperiled/out of action (maybe at 0 hit points and counting down).  Suffer some 1d6 penalty (permanent) to the stat of your choice; explain it away as you please.
2-6:  Jam!  Can't fire this weapon until you make a DC 12 Luck OR Agility check, starting on the next combat round.
7-9: Misfire!  The round goes wild and still explodes.  It hits the most logical farther combatant, or nearby combatant, or a group, or whatever the DM feels may be prudent and exciting (I mean, that's the breaks, right?).  Preferable a rusty I-beam that holds up that interior bulkhead and allows escape from the REDACTED

There's almost no bad reason except prudence to NOT use a projectile weapon, but in the broken down future, maybe you can amend these results by diligent credits spent on weapon maintenance.  Every 100 credits spent aforehand allows a re-roll on the attack roll, best result standing - to represent polishing, oiling, drying, striking the runes of appeasement, etc...  Take that and go carousing, you scruffy nerf-herder.

Okay.  I'm out.  Peace, Love, and Projectiles Upon Thine Enemies

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