A Couple of Random Wampus Witches

Hey all y'all!

Like you, I dig Halloween and it's here. Or pretty durn close (Edit: i forgot about this until mid-November - so sorry!!). So my esteemed friend Erik (twitter handle : @daydreamtiger1 ) over at Wampus Country has forwarded to me and other Kickstarter backers of his Lumberlands project a fun little October-taster partly distilled from some previous WC posts (I dig the sucromancer and lore behind it and refuse to acknowledge whether I bumped into candy-races whilst thinking of Thrend). Amongst the other amazing things it contains, you jealous reprobate, is a "Random Witch Generator" and if you are anything like me, which is established (see above) that's just the sort of thing you need at this time of year. I was thinking about doing a "Witch March" where you plod along to the west, conflicting and conquering The Myriad Witches of Thrend, the kicker being that once they are all disposed of you find they are the only thing keeping off THE REAL BADGUY who is of course a douchebag CyberLich or sommat. Fight the patriarchy yinz. 

These days, I'm often kept awake by the screeching and to-and-froing of the witches in my county, so I don't have a great deal of processing power left in my brain to handle my witch-based needs unless I eat an unhealth-ier amount of candy than I do and my dentist has forbidden such and so I used Erik's wondrous document and my trusty dice/computer to cook up a couple of startling witches on the fly, totally at random. I could probably manage a Tablesmith thing but we'll see. You ready? I'm ready! Handfuls of dice (as you are wont) (postscript, I actually did finish the Tablesmith generator and here is 5 Wampus Witches for yinz).

post-Postscriptum: Erik conveyed to me that a goodman hath entered his works into Abulafia, wherein the entry you will need is missing because Abulafia is currently plagued by PHP issues. I wish I could help you, Dave Y.!

Again: here is the Tablesmith .tab file for yinz what have it

1. This witch is named Goody Rat. She is a witch because she consumed devil-flesh. She hates those who are outwardly upstanding, but secretly corrupt, and is known for thriving on cannibalism.She has beaklike nose and wears furs and hides. It is rumored that vomits forth worms. She can be seen riding about on transforms into (mist, dark cloud, puddle of blood, shifting sands).Her pet is superior-to-the-norm specimen (lesser undead, goblinoid), and she is weak against her own voice. She is never far from her standard weapon (dagger, spear) made of something unusual
2. This witch is named Gujah Steel. She is a witch because she died by exposure. She hates oak trees, and is known for harrying travellers on “her road”.She has crooked nose and wears dark robes. It is rumored that vomits forth insects. She can be seen riding about on saddle/howdah on the back of a giant version of a mundane animal (vole, pillbug, sow).Her pet is sentient animated object (tome, ottoman, scythe, dressing-mirror, mounted moose head), and she is weak against mundane plant (hollyberry, potato). She is never far from her creepy light source (candlestick, lantern, hand of glory)
3. This witch is named Wrack Culai. She is a witch because she foolishly made an evil bargain. She hates sunlight, and is known for punishing the sexually liberal.She has yellow skin and wears covered in dirt and moss or leaves. It is rumored that if caught out at sunrise, she turns to stone. She can be seen riding about on chariot/coach drawn by (black steeds, skinless hounds, blinded orphans).Her pet is sentient animated object (tome, ottoman, scythe, dressing-mirror, mounted moose head), and she is weak against mundane plant (hollyberry, potato). She is never far from her creepy light source (candlestick, lantern, hand of glory)
4. 
   This witch is named Sister Ghost. She is a witch because she cruelly murdered someone. She hates children, and is known for cursing infants whose mothers are impious.She has patches of feathers and wears furs and hides. It is rumored that causes flowers to wilt. She can be seen riding about on immense kitchen object (mortar & pestle, bowl, beer-stein).Her pet is floating, talking (skull, jack-o-lantern, severed dog’s head), and she is weak against particular moon-phase, holiday or unusual occurrence (coronation of a new king, etc). She is never far from her creepy light source (candlestick, lantern, hand of glory)
5. This witch is named Missus
   
   
   
   
   

   

   It is the ringing of the bell that commands you to find this show!

   
   
   
   
   
   Oakie Fitzherbert. She is a witch because she cursed the King. She hates fairies, and is known for stealing forgotten objects and punishes the former owner.She has patches of fur and wears matron’s clothing. It is rumored that has teeth, that if planted, will produce a tree whose fruit are infant goblins. She can be seen riding about on transforms into a flying creature (screech owl, bat, giant moth - human head optional).Her pet is superior-to-the-norm specimen (lesser undead, goblinoid), and she is weak against mundane plant (hollyberry, potato). She is never far from her something choppy (meat cleaver, woodsman’s hatchet)

An Asemic Dungeon: A Cut Up or Something

I have said these days that I've internalized so many dungeons, so many room descriptions, so many awful terse prose prompts for play that when I think "dungeon" it is fair to say mine looks a little like yours, probably, but maybe more 4-bit, more hard-edged, less organic and impossibly cluttered with other peoples' ideas. Reading a great deal of surrealist/dadaist things and of course, im no magician. my dungeons look like the hellish pits beneath Alpha Complex wherein sulky robots go to fret about irrational numbers and their unhappy inability to taste things. Above, the infrared citizens go about their dull routines and every so often an adventurous young clone peels back a ventilation grill and vanishes into... the aether? Ur-Space? The Dungeon Dimension? the arthaus Ravenloft's weird sprawling undercity? Yes. all those places 

HEY HANDSOME IF YOU CAN HEAR ME COME TO SECTOR 3, SUBSECTION 8 AND LETS MAKE OUT. I miss Holloway, I guess. Really I do.

I cannot escape what is mine and what is theirs and so I have but a scratching of some of mine into the machine and i press GO and I hope for the best. Mine would be tedious and so these are tedious, but at least I cannot be held accountable for what a machine produces (for example .various automated car manufacturers would deny culpability for deaths caused by their algorithms and so I declare myself not responsible for the deaths of any PCs or NPCs that may venture into a thing I might make with this code). There is no sense or plan, only whatever semblance you inject. I named it the first interesting thing that it made, and so let that be your guide.

 THE HELPFUL SHARD DUNGEON

LEVEL ONE: PLEASE GENERATE YOUR OWN MAP

1. There is Whistle of Helpful Shard and antique coins worth 325 GP concealed here, in stone caskets.
2. The room has a patches of green slime. The trap is attached to a stairs up.
3. Strongly flowing air, here. There is also a lantern.
4. Mostly empty and clean, this room smells dusty.
5. There are 4 Morlock Warriors and an elevator, in this room.
6. It is very dusty, here. The dust is recently disturbed.
7. There are sproutings of luminescent fungi, here.
8. There is a pit - it is effectively bottomless, or else the bottom goes to Ethereal Plane and hidden Potion of Philter of Love and 10 Black Opal 1000gp, here.
9. There is Scroll of Treasure Map (Value 2 gems, 11 jewelry) concealed here, loose.
10. There is a rotten flesh smell in this room.

LEVEL TWO: PLEASE GENERATE YOUR OWN MAP OR NOT

1. The room has a Nausea Gas. The whole party makes DC 13 Constitution save or roll -2d for initiative and -1d for Actions for 1 turns. The trap is attached to a seemingly-innocuous hook.
2. There is a parking lot with 8 rusted-out automobiles or skimmers. The entry-gate is non-functioning. puddle of liquids that is probably infectious and hidden antique coins worth 818 GP , here.
3. There are sproutings of luminescent fungi, here.
4. Dretch, a relief, and hidden treasure antique coins worth 1088 GP .
5. A Blinding Gas. The victim is blinded for 4 turns, DC 20 Constitution save keeps the antique coins worth 427 GP safeguarded.
6. There is a rotten garbage smell in this room.
7. Worg subtype T-Virus, a manger, and hidden treasure A Nickel Silver nosering, worth 600 gold coins.
8. There are Shocker Lizard and a chest, holding a needle that never bends, in this room.
9. There is a trash disintegrator unit. The party can receive 5 gold/AL in antique coins for worhtless items here.
10. This small room includes a shelves of supplies.

LEVEL THREE

PLEASE TRY MAYBE DONJON.SH or SOMETHING

HERE, the map spreads out into immense caverns dotted with laser-hewn rooms and laboratories, with flickering overhead lights and coolant pipes

1. This room has a server room with 27 humming server machines and 6 artificial intelligences.
2. Footprints, barefoot..
3. Cold air, here. There is also a mop.
4. This room has a matter replicator device.
5. The room has a Falling Ceiling Block. The 1d3 unluckiest PCs get a DC 14 Dexterity save or take 2d12 damage . The trap is attached to a stairs down.
6. This room has an office supply storage facility. Fire extinguishers, long-expired.
7. This room has a hypersleep sauroid pen with 8 Large Dinosaurs in stasis.
8. A Lowering Ceiling. Find the mechanism with DC 17 Intelligence check in 4 rounds or everyone will die keeps the antique coins worth 1410 GP safe.
9. 6 Mants subtype Cyber, hidden 1031 GP in sealed sarcophagi, and a trap: Retractable Laser Turret attacks as Level 3 Magic Missile.
10. 2 Spider Swarms guard scale(lbs.) Functions on 1-19 in 20. The treasure is locked in iron trunks.
11. There is a broken collosal war machine, will place victim in temporal stasis for d10 turns if awoken here, trapped with Retractable Laser Turret attacks as Level 3 Magic Missile.
12. There is 2445 GP concealed here, in aluminum gear crates.
    
13. 2 Androids, a wall basin, and a trap: Retractable Laser Turret attacks as Level 3 Magic Missile.
14. The metal surfaces of this room are well-polished.
15. Harpy, a recess, and a trap: Arrow Trap. The party sustains d20+5 attacks with 1d6 damage.
16. Janni guard coins worth 623 GP. The treasure is locked in iron trunks.
17. The room has a 40 foot deep pit. The trap is attached to a stairs up.
18. An abandoned storage area, with Cryo-tube, containing a possessed Necromancer.
19. The party can encounter 3 Spider Swarms, here.
20. Displacer Beast subtype T-Virus, a loom, and hidden treasure 1456 GP.
21. Graffiti here says BEYOND THIS POINT, 2 Night Gaunts ATE Edgar Glitchon in luridly colored-paint.
22. There are Gargoyle and a tapestry, in this room.
23. 12 Gamma Meerkats, an ore smelter, and hidden treasure Potion of Oil of Slipperiness and coins worth 492 GP.
24. The lights flicker on and off above a stretch of cubicles. There is also wide-screen video monitor.
25. There are 4 Skum and a stairs up, in this room.
26. There is a small plasmic energy core - the room is bathed in low-intensity radiation here.
27. This average room has Phantasmal Killer, forcing a DC 14 Wisdom save or Die, but if passed the victim still gains Paranoia. The trap is attached to a ledge.
28. There is a hypersleep sauroid pen with 4 Large Dinosaurs in stasis and hidden 2460 GP, here.
29. The room contains Young White Dragon subtype Chaos and a patches of green slime.
30. The room has a patches of russet mold. The trap is attached to a seemingly-innocuous BEYOND THIS POINT, Janni ATE Euphemia Bumpstone in luridly colored-paint.
31. The room has a Vacuum Chamber - within 6 turns, the breathable air from this area and nearby 2 rooms is evacuated. The trap is attached to a elevator.
32. A patches of shriekers and violet fungi keeps the 1035 GP safeguarded.
33. 2 Ghouls subtype Shadow, a platform, and a trap: Poisoned Caltrops, which must be avoided with a DC 14 Dexterity save or party members 1d6 damage and 1d4 Constitution damage poison.
34. A magic mouth recites a dire warning in several languages and telepathically, containing antique coins worth 2090 GP . The treasure is floating in trillium-laced caskets and safeguarded with poisoned needles in handles.
35. Gargoyle guard Identity Card Functions on 1-16 in 20. The treasure is loose.
36. Janni subtype Corrupted, hidden Scroll of Treasure Map (Value 3 magic items, +1 potion) and antique coins worth 1545 GP tied in bags, and a trap: yellow mold.
37. A patches of green slime keeps the 355 GP safeguarded.
38. A patches of shriekers and violet fungi keeps the 18 Amber 100gp safeguarded.
39. The room contains 1 Sporers subtype Mecha and a Mummy Rot Powder. The party must pass DC 13 Constitution save or all be cursed as per a mummy.
40. Minotaur Zombie subtype Frost, an altar, and hidden treasure paint brush Nonfunctional.
41. A dusty maintenance area, with Napkins and wet-naps, from previous decade. Various franchises.
42. There is antique coins worth 2335 GP concealed here, in aluminum gear crates.
43. There are 2 Lantern Archons and a recess, in this room.
44. This cavernous room includes a 37 high-strength storage barrels full of stale ale.
45. The party can encounter 4 Grimlocks, here.
46. There is Scroll of Treasure Map (Value 1 magic item) and antique coins worth 1617 GP concealed here, loose.
47. The party will encounter a Centipede Swarm subtype Toxic, in this average room.
48. This giant chamber has Falling Stones. The victims take 2d6 damage each. The trap is attached to a seemingly-innocuous broken glass.
49. Ethereal Marauder guard antique coins worth 1689 GP . The treasure is stuffed into sacks.
50. The party can encounter 3 Ghouls, here.
    

Trillium is an alloy that negates approximately the same amount of volume of mass in the calculation of an object's weight. It is not dense, and so a trillium-inscribed object, or an object with trillium workings, will weigh much much less than normal.

I am not recalling what a Skum or a Mant is. I think they are from Gamma World.

Go forth. I have some code for maps, but they don't turn out very pretty and so you would best be served with a full-featured random map generator, or somebody like Dyson or something.