Crowquill and Lasrifle - Gobbos

My question, at base, is "What makes an oldhammer Ork or Goblin what it is?" Is it gangly legs? Ape-y arms? A sense of humor and style? Googly eyes and a tongue stuck out sideways? A poser for the ages, I guess.

Long ago, I had two Blogger blogs. One was this one, the other was "The Crowquill and Lasrifle" and it was about my bad painting and weird 40K lists of witch-hunters and zealots and power armor. I folded it into this blog a few years ago, because really who needs two separate hobby blogs? Not me, that's for sure. Like a fish needs a bicycle! Next thing you know I'll be droning on about my Dead Cells/Dark Souls problem, or woodworking, or synths, or any number of other ways I escape the awful reality of the downward spiral of capitalism in its death-throes. The present becomes the future and it's going to be grimdark, if you get my meaning.

The C&L is no longer extant, but I still plastic-minis hobby, for sure. I don't play enough (Frostgrave and Bloodbowl every few years at this rate).  I got it into my head some time ago to make a mostly-goblins and Oldhammer orcks list for 6th (maybe 4th?) edition Warhammer Fantasy Battle. Also, Undead (Vampire Counts flavored), but it's because I like painting skellingtons. So I slowly acquired via eBay a lot of little monopose plastic goblin archers, and scooped up discarded single orcs and nightgoblings, and especially fanatics and other weirdos. I prime things in the spring, and then I wait a couple of years to paint them, because I'm a professional and a dad and husband and who has time when I'm doing real life and like 15 different hobbies? In a fit of pique this weekend I sat down at the table and started base-coating a small army of goblins and nightgoblins from various eras of WFB. I kinda dig the late 80's to early 90's plastic ranges mostly because they are easy to put together and easy to paint, and the Citadel/Marauder lines because of the sculpts and the personality.

So, what do I got on the workbench? I was going to do an escalating "Border Princes" list that was flexible but depended upon acquiring more orcs and gobbos and capping it off with internecine struggles between the goblin shamans giving way to full leadership by a Black Ork and his Wyvern and underlings and man, these troops are hilariously undependable in small numbers (and I guess against elfs and dwarfs). Just on paper, I guess since I've not fielded any but I do have primed and mostly basecoated:

A Night Goblin shaman

A single River Troll

10 Night Goblin spears (modular kit which means big old heads which is terrific)

10 regular monopose Goblin spears - maybe for the Blood Pass set? I think they were the second edition filler troops from the boxed set?

5 fanatics of various stature and physiognomy, some plastic, some metal, one a conversion since his hands were missin'

47 (that's right, forty-seven) plastic monopose goblin archers - hilariously cheap and undependable in terms of the game, also (luckily) cheap in real life (like 80 cents a piece off of ebay). Sort of meditational to paint

I primed these all black with zenithal green to yellow to white highspot highlights - my intention was to thinly airbrush everything but my cheap airbrush is always in need of cleaning and maintenance, so I mostly use airbrush paints slathered on with a brush so it comes out real thin and patchy and you know what? I kinda like it. No-good, unreliable, cheap and good enough to pass the time. I will probably never field them and I don't often share finished minis unless I really like them, which is hardly ever. So, we'll see.

My plan is to get these done with some reikland flesh shade, or maybe reliable old floorpolish-and-black/green-ink and base them badly and crank out some movement trays. Then fill in the command gaps with resin-printed stuff, laser print or hand-paint some kooky orky/gobbo banners, and be done.

I've also got some goblin wolf-riders, an ork boar with rider legs (but no torso), a boar-chariot with crew, and some kitbashed squig-herds. That's about it. I have a secret dream to figure out the formula to get some marauder-proportioned orky and goblin weirdos into a posable format in Blender and crank out some custom resin troops in oldhammer style but this is cloud-talk at the moment (I could probably do it in an afternoon if I really put my mind to it but WORK! FAMILY! GUITAR! ugh). I could easily manage some Ork boss torsos for this boar and extend that to an oldhammer-inspired Wyvern rider - I just need time! time! give me time, precious

I did make a base pig-faced ork head .STL a while back just to make the unit-toffs/boyz have the appropriate lineage but I let that go by the wayside like all things I undertake. I tell you, generalization of hobbies is not the way to go. Better to be obsessive and focused.

Into the Oddballs for 5e

Man, Into the Odd was/is so good. Hyper fast setup: 3d6 three times, then 1d6 for hit points. Consult the chart 'n' off you go, with some interesting and balanced (in a way) weirdos. I wish 5e could be that quick and simple.

Well, you know what? It can be!

I dont have Electric Bastionland, or ItO Remastered, or more current iterations of the thing but I do have the waaaaay back ItO , and the early one with the red cover. That is not to say you shouldn't go get those new things, but this is a remainder from the Geeplus days of ItO and has wormed around in my moth-eaten brain for some time. I haven't tried it as such, but it's sprouting now and if radical alteration of the fundamentals of games is not your thing, then probably move along now. I'm ripping it from the Red Cover version down below.

So: You roll 3d6 three times and 1d6 for starting hit points (or 4d4 if you want the median to move up a little bit at the expense of headroom). You put those where you want them. The rest of your stats are 8. Yes, 8. These are 0-level dorkusses. The background will be "Oddball Novitiate" or something like that. Don't apply racial bonuses or abilities just yet. You don't get the rest of the stuff you might otherwise get, either. Save that for after your first mini adventure. Consult the chart (I hope Chris and Paolo don't mind I screen capped it - I purposely kept the resolution pretty low). Where it says 'Arcana', for the really low powered folks, you get a totally-randomly-generated magic item, up to and including Earth-Shaking unique artifacts. ImHO a level-0 with the Hand of Vecna would be awesome, and a perfect candidate for all sorts of shenanigans. Balance and fairness be damned. You can get 1d6 times 10 gold pieces, too. As a treat. for rations and candles or whatever. Then, you get dropped full on into some precarious situation. Maybe your skyship is caught an a mountain peak and you need to get into the town below for supplies (actually happened in a ItO game I ran back in the day)

Weapons do the appropriate amount of damage and types, and firearms can do either Blunt or Radiant or Fire or whatever as you like, since they could be laser guns, too in my game.

Taaadaaaa! Fast and furious - off you go and stay in trouble, kids!