Whacked Elemental Golems and Amuck Conjurations

I'm often behind the curve on stuff.  I mean, I'm fairly new to the OSR thing and hadn't really played from the period of 1994 or so until late 2012.  Case in point: I'm only now getting around to digesting the Lamentations of The Flame Princess: Grindy Edition by the esteemed +James Raggi.  A couple of weeks ago everybody was talking about the awesome and disturbing and suitably dangerous Summoning Spell from the magic section - let me be clear before I go on that I think it's a piece of good work and a boon to Roleplayers everywhere.  Mr. +Ramanan S made a cruelly easy automator link to the thing that is breathtakingly fast and sexy.  I think I dig that the thing is chock full of opportunities for meta-gaming based on the high end results.  Say what you want about it, but switching DMs in the middle of a game (I think he did this in the OSR Bundle of Holding module) - not only do I think it would be doable and fun, but it's a great premise for a disastrous conjuration.  Essentially, the Universe doesn't work the way that your usual god wants it to and the New God is calling the shots, now.  I think I'm conflating two separate works, but anyways.

So +Rachel Ghoul put a thing up about "Concept Elementals" - which you can find here.  Briefly, instead of just the traditional elementals of Earth, Wind, Fire and Disco, there are elementals of a great number of abstract concepts.  Rachel mentions Love, Wealth, Friendship (I think), Blogging, Deceit, Time, War - I don't know, but the idea is that these things - abstract concepts can be summoned and embodied.  Now, the speck of fun I put into the stew was that not only do all constructs/golems/clockwork/steampunk whatever machines need some animating principal, but let us say that the Forces That Be love - just Love - to send answers to requests from spell casters of any kind. low level or not.  And this is tricky bidness, if you get my drift.  Low level summoners can't really control what comes through, but it will animate whatever vessel you prepare for it and do what you tell it for a certain price - in line with its needs and motivations.  You could put some human/elf/dwarf/lizardman in your Golem, if you want, but that's another spell and this thing can be all kinds of motivated and dangerous in ways a human persona would not be.  Appeal to Yan'C'Bin, or Cryonax, or Ithaqqua, or whatever, and you're headed in the right direction...

Turns out, there are a wide range of awesome Summoning Adjuncts to your standard run o' the mill rules.  I recommend the Swords and Wizardy: Eldritch Weirdness series (came with my OSR Bundle of Holding) and maybe any of the weird Tekumel Stuff, or just fuck it - chuck in some Carcosa or GW random mutation things, piled on top of your standard run of the mill elemental summoning spell.  I don't have 3.5 or Pathfinder, but I do have L/L and AD&D 1st edition and a lot of other crap laying around, so maybe we can do an easy peasy Random Elemental Summoning into Small Vessel with No Chance for Good Outcomes, Wizard Level 1

Fucking around with a couple of dice and a handful of charts could get you Wood Elemental, with Fecundity and Water, giving you thus:

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Or a Fire Elemental with Heartbreak motivations and Jealousy, or a Time Elemental with Impatience and powers of Disinvigoration (she might have sex with you real fast until you were a pile of dust and wouldn't take no for an answer).  None of these needs must end in combat, and they could and it would be swift and easy since if you're using the LoTFP thing it's the equivalent of a Blood or Shit Demon and maybe a HD or two.  But, think if you could get that thing on your side by playing to its needs and motivations in RP?  Instead of cleaving it into pieces?  Could it be a Patron for your DCC Wizard?  It pops in to discharge its obligation to you and then dispels the forces that hold it on the Prime Material Plane?  Could its services be traded to a thief to rust a lock or some bars to pieces?  If you could tie it up in a sword, or trick it to stay in there for a few rounds, you could do like the old BRP Elric! game and have a iron sword become briefly magical in a very, very weird way.  I ought to just say that all magic items are this, in my campaign.  Some crazy ass elemental spirit or demon locked in your item, just itching to get out and take it out on you.  Hmm, I always push Realms of Crawling Chaos on people since I like it, but since I read that I realize that all my magic-items since have been really cursed artifacts like in that show in the 1990s, uh - Melrose Place.  I don't think people appreciate that without Robey doing that thing there would be no Mulder and Scully, incidentally.

One night in Bangkok makes about 4 hours of play, 5 or 6 good encounters, and 6 XP

This reminds me I need to grab those Reaction tables from the 1st ed. DMG or maybe its Moldvay B - I think a lot of folks want some handy dandy random charts.  Fuck, I like 'em, I'll tell you what, but it seems I use them less and less lately except in a tight spot and even then my desk/drive is so cluttered I rarely can remember where I put it.

Place a bookmark in "Self-Geas" #497, right behind Tcho Tcho as PC for DCC (DONE) and also +Jen Brinkman and +Bob Brinkman 's fucking righteous form-fillable .PDF character sheets which I was going to do I swear it but he did it anyways, and Ygg bless the self-taught man and woman