Into the Oddballs for 5e

Man, Into the Odd was/is so good. Hyper fast setup: 3d6 three times, then 1d6 for hit points. Consult the chart 'n' off you go, with some interesting and balanced (in a way) weirdos. I wish 5e could be that quick and simple.

Well, you know what? It can be!

I dont have Electric Bastionland, or ItO Remastered, or more current iterations of the thing but I do have the waaaaay back ItO , and the early one with the red cover. That is not to say you shouldn't go get those new things, but this is a remainder from the Geeplus days of ItO and has wormed around in my moth-eaten brain for some time. I haven't tried it as such, but it's sprouting now and if radical alteration of the fundamentals of games is not your thing, then probably move along now. I'm ripping it from the Red Cover version down below.

So: You roll 3d6 three times and 1d6 for starting hit points (or 4d4 if you want the median to move up a little bit at the expense of headroom). You put those where you want them. The rest of your stats are 8. Yes, 8. These are 0-level dorkusses. The background will be "Oddball Novitiate" or something like that. Don't apply racial bonuses or abilities just yet. You don't get the rest of the stuff you might otherwise get, either. Save that for after your first mini adventure. Consult the chart (I hope Chris and Paolo don't mind I screen capped it - I purposely kept the resolution pretty low). Where it says 'Arcana', for the really low powered folks, you get a totally-randomly-generated magic item, up to and including Earth-Shaking unique artifacts. ImHO a level-0 with the Hand of Vecna would be awesome, and a perfect candidate for all sorts of shenanigans. Balance and fairness be damned. You can get 1d6 times 10 gold pieces, too. As a treat. for rations and candles or whatever. Then, you get dropped full on into some precarious situation. Maybe your skyship is caught an a mountain peak and you need to get into the town below for supplies (actually happened in a ItO game I ran back in the day)

Weapons do the appropriate amount of damage and types, and firearms can do either Blunt or Radiant or Fire or whatever as you like, since they could be laser guns, too in my game.

Taaadaaaa! Fast and furious - off you go and stay in trouble, kids!

Time To Play Ball

It is Spring, and my brain is afire with bad ideas and worthwhile/-less projects to accomplish. I don't know what it is about this time of year but my nervous system is trying to convert from winter mode to spring mode. It's great - by "great" I mean mild hypomania feels nice - but it's bad because the raw tension of wanting to do a million little tasks and being able to accurately complete like 10% of them means I'm grinding my teeth a lot and strangely hostile and irritable-r than usual. Serotonin issues.

Here is an example project: I have in mind a fantasy baseball draft league in which we use the Deadball rules by W.M. Aker, which use standard DnD dice to simulate a game of baseball. Why? uhhhhhhhhh Why not? I only have the original version of the rules and they are great, and there has been some fun expansions of the system. An April fool's version/expansion a few years ago had my simulated game turn into an orgy of violence and it was terrific, but sadly we (meaning "I") did not complete the game and the season languished.

A cool thing about the original rules is that they provide for random generation of players, or you can convert real players from their stats. As you may gather, this is my literal jam and biscuits: I love that kind of stuff. And so, I have begun work on  not just some league tournament play ideas (probably fruitless and will come to nothing) but also a Tablesmith generator for teams. I'd kind of like it incorporate my funny Dickensian-names generator and also a real-life American names generator that could (hilariously, in my view) incorporate some "Engrish" name changing rules a la that wonky early 1990s SNES baseball game. I would work on this partly because it would allow me to populate my internal fantasy realm (sort of Mad Max crossed with Wizards of Oz) with minor league baseball teams, and partly because I want to toy with the string manipulation functions of Tablesmith... it occurs to me there's a pretty interesting Venn Diagram between 1970's era NY street gangs, Murderhobos as we know them from DnD, and bush league ball teams. Any loose collection of dudes trying to get paid is always going to be a sketchy proposition

Seems to me on reflection that Baseball and DnD are some particularly American brands of past-times, that I used to be very very fond of playing, that just sort of beg to be folded into fantasy Americana

YMMV of course

Anyways, I got a box of 6 packs of Allen & Ginter Topps "vintage cards" and here is my team, plus Randy "Macho Man" Poffo of course. Think I'm gonna add some ladies and maybe some fictional ball players, also

1. John Kruk, Philadelphia Phillies
2. Robin Yount, Milwaukee Brewers
3. Darryl Strawberry, NY  Mets
4. Kirby Puckett, Minnesota Twins
5. Johnny Bench, Cincinnati Reds
6. Reggie Jackson, Oakland A's
7. Harold Baines, Chicago White Sox
8. Ted Williams, Boston Red Sox
9. Don Sutton, Los Angeles Dodgers
10. Mark McGwire, St. Louis Cardinals
11. Andre Dawson, Montreal Expos

more to come, hold on.  Maybe i'll drop my "Minor League Ball Player" background for D&D 5e, and a "Baseball Furies" model stolen from the PS2 _The Warriors_ game... (these are all conjectural and works in progress so ill get em done when I get em done)

The Byzantine Automation of AD&D Dungeon Parties

If you're a regular reader (I'm sorry!) then you know I dig making stuff with Tablesmith. It's a very powerful automation tool for making all kinds of neat things. A free and very close approximation is Dave Y.'s excellent web-based version Abulafia which has the benefit of talking to other users' tables. I use it to make dungeon keys and other things pseudorandomly. I took a break from untying the knot of code I've put in to make random "weird sci-fantasy" dungeon keys to work on another project. Well, to put it more precisely I wanted to include NPC dungeon parties as planned and random encounters in the dungeon, and I wanted to do it the way I used to do it by hand from the old 1e DMG on page uhhhhh 175 or so.

Easy to make an NPC generator. It really is. You make a random variable generator, plug it into the stats, plug in the races and classes (easy peasy, it's a list), and hit it with a name maker. BOOM! Done. I'm a king amongst lesser beings.

EXCEPT! If you do it that way, you won't be making viable, valid AD&D1e "character NPCs". It was human-o-centric, you see. Gary put hard limits on the demihuman races. Without very high stats, most of the demihuman races could not climb to successful heights. The thing breaks down on entry where races have limits to stats, stat bonuses, and race/class combinations have level limits dependent upon prerequisites. An easy enough thing for a coder to untangle. I'm _not_ a good coder, though, and I have figured out some of the steps (the ones I said were easy), and I am not clearly grokking the rest but it is coming to me slowly. So! I present to you a very quick list of "level 1 character NPCs" spat out by my angry, irritable Tablesmith code. How many do you want? 99? too much text - nobody would read all that. But I will give you, uhhh, 30 to prove my concept. Please note the juiciest bits of these NPCs are not attached - quirks, tragic backstories, motives, villainous plans, etc. All that can be accomplished by referencing OTHER bits of code, but I don't want that part to muss up my problems. The next bit to hard-code is race-based stat bonuses which sounds like it should be easy. It sort of it, but my brain doesn't always do what i want it to. These are all level 1's made with 4d4+2 since the 3d6 way would of necessity make many many non-viable options (which I could winnow out with code but ehhh more steps). Making Assassins evil was a pretty easy task although I thought it would be harder. There are other class/alignment needs I haven't yet coded in, if I recall right (maybe monks?)

Wyrter, Human Fighter 1, NG, S 14, I 10,W 10,D 9,Cn 9,Ch 10, Long Sword, Scalemail

Hallé, Elf Fighter 1, NE, S 13, I 11,W 10,D 7,Cn 13,Ch 14, Staff, Robe

Anores, Human Fighter 1, CG, S 11, I 15,W 11,D 12,Cn 11,Ch 9, Broadaxe, Chainmail

Maynet, Dwarf Thief 1, LN, S 12, I 13,W 14,D 10,Cn 11,Ch 14, Dagger, Furs

Nobby Quidimer, Human Assassin 1, NE, S 12, I 14,W 10,D 13,Cn 13,Ch 12, Crossbow, Hide Armor

Arenradas, Human Magic-User 1, LN, S 10, I 14,W 14,D 13,Cn 14,Ch 15, Staff, Robe

Corela, Halfling Fighter 1, LN, S 14, I 11,W 12,D 11,Cn 10,Ch 11, Sling, Cuirass

Rivière, Human Cleric 1, NG, S 12, I 12,W 15,D 7,Cn 11,Ch 16, Spear, Chainmail

Kelradas, Human Thief 1, NG, S 11, I 14,W 9,D 11,Cn 16,Ch 12, Dagger, Hide Armor

Ippadia, Halfling Thief 1, LG, S 17, I 9,W 16,D 11,Cn 11,Ch 15, Dagger, Hide Armor

Eddavan, Human Magic-User 1, LN, S 14, I 12,W 15,D 16,Cn 11,Ch 10, Staff, Robe

Olafira, Human Thief 1, LE, S 15, I 15,W 13,D 13,Cn 14,Ch 14, Stiletto, Hide Armor

Marandia, Dwarf Cleric 1, LN, S 14, I 9,W 10,D 15,Cn 12,Ch 18, Great Axe, Studded Leather Armor

Godard, Dwarf Fighter 1, NE, S 16, I 11,W 11,D 12,Cn 13,Ch 12, Hammer, Robe

Quièvremont, Human Magic-User 1, NG, S 12, I 12,W 13,D 12,Cn 12,Ch 13, Dagger, Robe

Montaigu, Half-Orc Thief 1, LN, S 12, I 14,W 12,D 10,Cn 7,Ch 9, Blackjack, Furs

Maignart, Human Monk 1, NE, S 12, I 14,W 10,D 13,Cn 9,Ch 15, Short Bow, Robe

Shadradas, Halfling Thief 1, LG, S 12, I 13,W 15,D 15,Cn 16,Ch 10, Dagger, Hide Armor

Fontemai, Halfling Thief 1, CG, S 13, I 11,W 10,D 13,Cn 11,Ch 12, Sling, Hide Armor

Cora Milgrimsible, Human Thief 1, NG, S 8, I 15,W 13,D 17,Cn 14,Ch 15, Garotte, Padded Armor

Kellum, Elf Magic-User 1, CE, S 14, I 14,W 13,D 11,Cn 11,Ch 13, Staff, Robe

Gromgith, Human Thief 1, LN, S 14, I 11,W 12,D 15,Cn 12,Ch 10, Stiletto, Hide Armor

Somneri, Half-Elf Druid 1, Neutral, S 12, I 15,W 12,D 12,Cn 10,Ch 12, Staff, Robe

Kyraatr, Human Fighter 1, LE, S 9, I 12,W 11,D 9,Cn 17,Ch 10, Axe, Plate Armor

Belpas, Human Fighter 1, N, S 10, I 8,W 12,D 16,Cn 11,Ch 14, Short Sword, Cuirass

Cheney, Gnome Illusionist 1, LN, S 12, I 13,W 13,D 12,Cn 14,Ch 15, Staff, Robe

Damarary, Halfling Thief 1, CG, S 14, I 12,W 10,D 12,Cn 12,Ch 15, Dagger, Padded Armor

Lady Knudel, Elf Magic-User 1, CG, S 14, I 10,W 15,D 16,Cn 9,Ch 10, Staff, Robe

Lindvay, Human Cleric 1, CG, S 14, I 15,W 18,D 13,Cn 11,Ch 11, Warhammer, Studded Leather Armor

Ajax Piggful, Human Magic-User 1, N, S 12, I 11,W 12,D 15,Cn 13,Ch 14, Dagger, Robe

Looks like it works! Now, the next couple of bits - making parties of up to 9 NPCs with a certain number of character-type NPCs accompanied by henchmen and hirelings, dependent upon level with certain equipment based on random rolls according to level, I anticipate a hearty challenge and I think I almost have it sorted but I need to leave it for the weekend since Workaday World calls and I must hie away. A bad thing about doing it this way is that these NPCs get generated by machine and wither away into the aether very very quickly without ever having the substance of human effort or dice-rolling the way the old-fashioned method of doing it invests in them... I dunno. I'm an agent of chaos in this regard, I guess.

Is it a crime to make 1000's of NPCs and toss them away into The Nothing? Yes. Yes it is.

Peace be upon both your houses, I commend thee to Mars and Bellona, etc. 

Awful Hobo Incursion

Okay, so first thingks first: Hobo is not a great word. Let's not fetishize NOR minimize the plight of unhoused people, and also (let us hope and pray) that the darkness of a thing's aspect is not Lynch's commentary on race nor ethnicity, although I think it does deserve to be examined but doing it here is maybe not a great format. You can if you wish. As much as I dig David Lynch (hi, Mr. Lynch, if you're watching! Love your work but maybe put some melanin in your thing) I do get a little nervous about lack of representation - even in Dune (I hate/grow weary of Chalamet personally but the rest of the cast is pretty varied in the new thing)... I don't know where was I. I'm brewing some tea, so bear with me here. This is gaming, and horror, and cinema, and if I need to explain more, then, uhhh, tea's done so time to make my kid lunch. BRB

(later) Not to give too much away, but in Twin Peaks season 3, and also in Lynch's Mullholland Drive, and even in a bunch of other interesting horror things, homelessness/sleeping rough has A Quality - not a good one, I guess. But it does make you separate, powerful by virtue of forbidden knowledge, and dangerous. And rightly angry.

IF you can make a deal with these outsiders, who exist by virtue of society's disregard and willful obstinate forgetting, then they can give things in return. Do you have a light? There is nothing worse than walking around with a cigarette dangling out of your mouth looking for a light. If you had a light, you might get a favor later. They might find something for you, or share in their modest power of survival. Or run an errand for you.

They might come out of the cracks and crannies of reality to assist you, because the universe wants favors (not kindness nor charity) returned. As above, so below - dig? it works with fairies, demons, devils, vampires, djinn, ghula... a certain tit-for-tat that must be obeyed for historical reasons. Deep Magic, see?

If you can somehow get a positive reaction roll (the mechanics are sketchy and Moldvay's way seems to me to be tooo easy - I did a deep dive on Alma Mater's reaction table once but it's private in my head) in an interaction with an interdimensional hobo whose aerthly aspects is a gaunt and desperate being in tattered clothes and grime and soot but this is just the tip of the metaphysical icemberg - why then! They might somehow pitch in begrudgingly by (for example) crushing the skull of an innocent like a sparrow's egg, or perhaps casting a sleep spell over the radio, or in extreme cases reversing otherwise mortal damage to your incarnate meat form, or bringing you something from a lost place

Are they separate and distinct from Duergar? Shaver's Derro? Yes, but no. 

How do these beings, possibly once human, acquire such power? Not through their own efforts but rather through the subconscious rejection by society at large, by being literally shunted aside, willfully forgotten, by the conscious acquisitive grappling of reality for the sake of capitalism. They are, in effect, the vestiges of human sacrifice that it takes to keep the boat afloat, so to speak. Tantric demons no longer fit for the world, the price they have paid already gives them a sordid kind of power and they find comfort in pulling the innocent and content into the Outer Dark with them, even if only for a little while. Obviously, rejection of society's underlying mechanisms this way places one at risk of Chaos/Xaos/Kaos/Yang problems and it becomes hard to make tulpas etc. when your chakras are aligned so poorly but that's another post I guess

maybe thematic connected works:

They Live (Carpenter) George Buck Flower is a multidimensional incursion all by himself (drawn to time-travel/tachyon bursts/crazy drunk driving?)

C.H.U.D. (I just watched this the other night and it occurs in the rough vicinity of my brother in law's place in NYC). These meat-things are on the brink of madness and discovery and transformation, and the monsters and real villainy are greed and bureaucracy and degradation

Mary Poppins (yes - soot covered magicians who come from the near-ethereal and dwell in a land of smoky quasi-realness and magical tulpa people - it's all there, yo, you don't even need to dig). Mary AND Bert are both doing tulpa stuff the whole time, the whole step in time!

IT! (i'm thinking of things long left alone, and rotten, and the Leper but probably many other thematic connections)

The Shadow People by Margaret St. Clair (also, Sign of the Labrys but I digress)

they call it an eremite, but it's the same idea

Generative Surrealism (Music/Dungeons/Stories) Jazz in your RPGs

First, I hate knowing what is going to happen. I avoid spoilers for movies. The speculation about what is going to be up there on the screen is better (most times) than what might really occur up there. Same for D&D: I avoid "modules" and "story paths" like the plague, unless it's an event and I need to have some arc for a convention or something. Why? I dunno, my brain is just like that. I don't particularly crave completeness, or finality, or resolution.

I recently finished watching Twin Peaks: The Return(s3). Absolutely nonsensical, terrifying, unexpected, and - if you give up the need for resolved "arcs" that make sense in a logical way - absolutely delightful. It's been like 2 week and I'm still mulling over what it means, if Lynch means for it to convey anything at all, or if my subconscious and other parts of me are computing it properly, with the proper glitches. The warm sense of distress and confusion in this case being a FEATURE not a GLITCH. Surrealism is better than concretism, and I feel that way about my D&D, too. I sort of like it to be playable at the table, not this "Maze of the Blue Medusa" shit, which I mean would make a great arthaus/paintpunk thing but at the table, I mean no. Trust me I sat and tried and I wasn't stoned enough. Nor do I care to be that kind of stoned trying to imagine with other people (trying to make a connection and hang out is different than raw creativity). David Lynch does NOT make good DnD - or maybe he does, how the fuck would I know?, I guess. Mr. Lynch if you want to play DnD with me sometime, hit me up.

I also recently got into synthesizers, another thing that I gave up in middle school because of antipathies from my peers. I don;t fancy myself a musician (quite the reverse, I make NOISEs) but I like to tell the machine how I like to do things, fiddle with knobs (in DnD, too) and see what springs out and be delighted, or else hit the button to generate a new thing. You may have noticed that I throw-out/vomit forth a lot of pseudorandom pregenerated bullshit. It's because I dig the thinking deeply about TONE and TIMBRE a lot, rather than specific worldbuilding. I much better like to leave a lot of room for players to leave their mark on the world rather than having all the things sorted out aforehand...

I don't know. Remind me to link posts of my hideous noise-making devices. Only the most deranged person would call it music, I suppose. Sometimes after an hour of fucking around with the synthesizer I built I will have the most lurid and amazing and aware dreams that remind me of some great Lynchian stuff. I wish I could distill some of the frenetic weirdness from my dreams into DnD - I have tried it and been modestly "succesful" I guess. I put up a series of things on DTRPG that centers on my dreams of life in Florida, and every so often I have new dreams in the same vein that would make for similar offerings if anyone were interested. My favorite ones are the least comprehensible! Often I dream of walking around the Bird Road Flea Market, pressed for time. Once when I was a lad, I found the original Fiend Folio for 5$ in a stack of cast off books - the original one with the Cthulhu and Melnibonean mythoi in it! Been downhill ever since.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but maybe I will go further inside the rabbit hole some other time.  Broadly, I like to tell the computer "Give Me Some Hints, and do the boring parts, and let us do the fun parts" which, I guess is what a computer is for.

Remind me to link you to TidalCycles, VCV Rack, Mutable Instruments, GAN those kinds of things. Do I like jazz or jam bands? I'm probably at the age where I should start to like those things. I should do a GAN for dungeons - DeepDungeons!. That would probably rock. By the way, the illustrations in this post were made by a adversarial network from NightCafe (GAN + Clip, IIRC) - try it yourself if you like! It would be the most amazing thing if a GAN were to just make Jacquays-style maps with doors that open onto nothing and long corridors that lead to rooms full of THIS IS THE WATER AND THIS IS THE WELL