AVE SALUTEM MULTAM ET KAIRE ad ORBIS

Butchering the Latin and Greek that was a focus of my early college education for a weak joke.  Nepenthe and Lethe where art thy cooling waters?

I don't think that posting miniatures and wargaming stuff will always appeal to my other blog's readers, so I'll keep it on here.  Expect superfluous notes and hasty iPhone pictures about my Dark Angels army and breaking into kit bashing and painting tips and other dumb stuff.

I sort of dig weird war games and might glom up some bolt action troops with some 40K and like some peanut butter in some chocolate maybe it'll be okay. A Genestealer Cult is the first order of business

Here are some pictures from ye first meeting with the local 40K group whose names I recall but do not have permission to put their faces on here yet

One last note - I'm intrigued at how well the iPhone is suited to take eye-level shots of wargames figs and terrain.  Hmm.

Noctules for DCC/LLC/SW OSR

Reading Gene Wolfe's Claw of the Conciliator - it was recommended to me pretty highly by a slew of my favorite G+ Fantasy /Sci_Fi thinkers. Just last night passed the bit where the protagonist and his buddy are being chased through the woods by the deep black, tissue-paper-like Noctules, a life form that flits through the air hunting for body heat and physiological energy.  They come from an alien environment to Severian's Urth, and are used by unscrupulous persons as weapons of assassination but sometimes escape their handlers and turn on them.

Once they smother and kill a target, they work their way into their mouths and nasal passages down into the target's lungs to absorb the remaining life-force and residual heat.  Cutting them with blades merely divides them into smaller versions, releasing a good deal of heat energy that washes over the target, causing low levels of heat damage.  They can be contained in air- and water-tight containers and will become dormant and can be hid away and disposed of but they take no damage from heat-based attacks and these only make them larger.  They may be drawn away from targets by a fire of sufficient size; clerical turning may disrupt them and cause their hateful forms to disperse for a time.

Should a living thing die from the attacks of Noctules, the Noctules will invade the lungs or similar organs and reproduce there, 1d10 more Noctules emerging a day later at dusk

DCC NOCTULE:  Init +6; Atk bite +4 melee (1d4 energy drain and Stamina loss); AC 15; HD 2d6; MV fly 40’; Act 1d20; SP smother (latches onto target's face and automatically inflicts 1d4 Stamina damage per round until killed), invulnerability to edged weapons (any hit divides it into two pieces with 1/2 original's HP), invulnerability to blunt weapons (-2d on the chain with blunt weapon hits), SV Fort +8, Ref +8, Will -4; AL C.

LL ADV NOCTULE:
Imp (Lesser Negative Planar Vermin)
No. Enc.: 1d6
Alignment: Lawful (evil)
Movement: 60 Fly (5 Crawl)
Armor Class: 3
Hit Dice: 2
Attacks: 1 (smother)
Damage: 1d6+Special (Save vs. Petrify/Paralyze or lose 1d4 Constitution)
Save: F2
Morale: 8
Hoard Class: none
XP: 240

S&W NOCTULE
Hit Dice: 2
Armor Class: 5 [15]
Attacks: Smothering Drain (1d6 per round after the first, Save or Lose 1d4 Constitution)
Saving Throw: 9
Special: Drains life energy and health
Move: 4/18 (flying)
Alignment: Chaos
Challenge Level/XP: 3/60


DW NOCTULE
Tags: Amorphous, Group, Planar, Small, Stealthy, Terrifying
Smother (d6 damage) 8 HP 5 Armor (strikes by edged weapons only add another Noctule to the group)
Close, Reach
Special Qualities: almost undetectable in Darkness (-3 to Discern Reality about their presence!), flittering
Instinct: To consume heat and life energy, to reproduce in the innards of a warm dead body

Special moves for players:

Stuff it In Here!
Roll +DEX (if a suitable container is available)
On a 10+ remove a Noctule from the group and place in a suitable container
On a 7-9 avoid the Noctule's smothering embrace, but lose your next attack
On a Miss, automatically be subject to the Noctule's smothering attack

Flittering Horrors!
If you have detected the Noctules, and are able to postpone all other activities and flee, ROLL +DEX or +INT
On a 12+ evade the Noctules entirely through quickness of wit or action
On a 10-11, evade the Noctules, but they find another victim (an innocent one!), hold 1
On a 7-9, subtract 1 from the number of pursuing Noctules
On a Miss, they find you in the next encounter, and attack all parties
Spend the 1 hold to reveal the identity of the victim, express remorse or self-satisfaction, and gain 1XP

More Burroughs in Your RPGs

I visited an amazing bookstore today after work where I picked up a bunch of paperbacks (F. Lieber, Gene Wolfe, even the Dungeon of Dread DnD CYOA book).  But before that, I had a thread going with some of the guys about Burroughs - not E.R. the other one, William.  We always think it's E.R., though, don't we?  Anyways, on the way home I was lost in a creative fugue and missed my exit off the highway, and was worried after I would miss it again and nothing seemed right on the highway like WHERE THE FUCK AM I THIS DOES NOT SEEM FAMILIAR TO ME

EDIT: G_DAAAAMN CHECK THIS JUNK OUT AND GET ON THE RPG NOD

I can't find an image of Burroughs using dice

Me and +Evan Lindsey and +Alex Chalk and +Darien Mason and +Dave Younce played a game set loosely in Burrough's Cairo Interzone from Naked Lunch a couple of months back.  There I go, name-dropping again. Anyways, it goes hand in hand with the idea that all these possible realities crashed together after our initial Transylvanian Adventures game, in which super-science and occultism from a heretical Christian cult opened the doors of reality real real wide.  At the end James' Simon and Darien's Dr. Prometheus killed a couple of mutated cultists and ran afoul of The Abbot in a way so bad that blessed unconsciousness came for them and seared local reality into oblivion.  We haven't figured out what happened to Simon, but he was a character with promise.

"Okay, man, what does this have to do with games, man?" you ask.  Well, it got me thinking about Burroughs' cut and paste thing.  How could we stick a narrative version of cut n' paste writing into a game?  It would take a huge mid-narrative context shift and would need to be jarring for the players, I mean, that's kind of the point.  You can see how changes in the referential level work and how when they are not resolved they cause discomfort - check out the bit in Hoffstadter's Godel, Escher, Bach: an Eternal Golden Braid.  So, how do we go for this kind of discomfort in an RPG setting?  It does seem not easy - I think I saw James Raggi pull it off in the summon spell from LoTFP.  High level failures require a complete change in the milieu of the game and a switch of the DM/Judge/GM/Whatever.  I think this is brilliant and could be done with some good cooperation from a willing group of players, but it'd be hard to do outside of face-to-face...

INTERDICTED: ALSO THIS SHIZNIT, YOU HEADLESS RYKOR, YOU

So?  One way I propose such is to blow the lid of the genre conventions in the game abruptly and without warning, but in a way that fits tidily into the narrative established beforehand.  There're a couple of easily suggested ways depending upon your genre, but luckily when players put faith in fantasy tropes anything's possible.

I'm not going to give it away just yet, but my experiment ought to be complete quite soon.  Instead, here's a related but not entirely complete random list of terrible stereotypical accents I could maybe pull off in a pinch:

A picture of Mel Blanc.  It's pertinent, trust me.

d20 Terrible NPC Accents by Noah during a game

1) Bad Cockney/Limey/East Ender (although I know full well there are many fine gradations of "Brit")
2) Bad German
3) Decent Yaley/Harvard Bastard (Ivy League Fucker)
4) Scotty from Star Trek
5) Orky
6) Western US/Country
7) Hillbilly (interestingly different from the Country one)
8) Terrible but hilarious Cold War Russian (not quite as good as +James Jeffers ' elf in Keep on the Borderlands)
9) Any kind of Hispanic accent from the Western Hemisphere (including awful terrible cartoon stereotypes)
10) Aussie Dingo Dundee
11) East Indie
12) Rasta Guy
13) Surfer Dude
14) Valley Girl
15) New Yorker
16) Philly/Jersey Pete (but I can't control it well and it drifts into 17, below)
17) Boston Southy
18) Shogunese (but to do the accent properly I have to do only nonsensical gibberish like a Samurai in full-on death mode)
19) South Africaner (Afrikaans English - also terrible)
20) Frenchie the Baguette Skunk

Table of Misdirection d16 +/- Luck Modifier:

1) Western (Boot Hill)
2) Future Perfect
3) Post Apockyclipse Mutant Hell
4) Paranoia/Logan's Run Dystopia
5) Court Intrigue
6) Horror History/Pulp
7) Horror Fantasy (Ye Olde Grimme Worlde)
8) Robot Fight GO!
9) Bubblegum Kaiju Tentacules
10) Hat-zulu
11) Saturday Morning Cloak and Dagger
12) Sparkly the Masquerade of Blood
13) Werewolf: The Sparkly Masquerade of Blood Vampires of Grey
14) Gangbusters of Capone Island
15) Barnstormers and Bullets
16) Star Tracks

The Realm of Alfgrim

Alfgrim is the home of my knight, Sir Maledoric Goreson, eighth-ælfen Cleric of Nebrovolent and apostate preacher travelling to Normandie for the Jousting Tournament run by +Mike Davison

It's great fun to think of places spawned by these FLAILSNAILS-y things, although my stance on the play style has been sort of... Filled with animosity. I know, I know. Let this be proof that hearts may change.

Gloomy and dew-clouded Alfgrim sits on a mystical border between Elfland, Narnia, Ravenloft, and Averoigne.  It's a pocket dimension that was fairly simple some decades ago; a few monochrome castles, a couple of dragons, a wicked sorcerer and an Enchanted Chalice was all that distinguished it. Since the Chalice was recovered and brought to the Yellow Castle by Sir Carredot, the place has bloomed and blossomed and become as wormy as an untended rose-bush.

Weeds and briars now grow wild over the once well-tended paths and gardens. The Black Castle fell into disrepair and is plagued by Kleptobats and Goblins (the Kaotic kind like in Disney's Cinderella, not the little green men kind). The various other great Castles have turned inward and become corrupt. The Dukes and Barons of Alfgrim owe their obeisance to the Master of the Enchanted Chalice. Some say he is a spiteful and gloomy avatar of the King of Elfland, but his Yellow Robes and jealous possession of the Chalice suggest he may have been the King of the Yellow Castle long ago. He may have once been a Nyarlathotep worshipper but he is rarely seen these years since he travels back and forth to other realms with some frequency.

A picture here of the Yellow Castle

Yorghl, Grundhl, and Rhindl have retired to deep caverns and spawned a multitude of other smaller and distinctive drakes that give sport to the plethora of minor knights that roam the demesne. Every gong-farmer, low courtesan and boot-black may become a knight by fulfilling a mysterious and inscrutable mission of the Yellow King. His agents come in the deep of night bearing a parchment scroll upon which is described some (perhaps trivial) task, the completion of which garners the man or woman a horse, lance, sword, and shield. Why the ruler would want a super-abundance of knights is unclear, but the nobility is prone to casual internecine warfare for unclear reasons and the ranks need be filled. The knights are broken down into a myriad of orders, and only a scant half dozen orders follow traditional notions of chivalry and then only loosely. For every 10,000 knights one might be a Paladin but several hundred are Blackguards, Anti-Paladins and Scoundrels. The rest are mere fighting men with tawdry banners.

The women at court all admire and copy elvish fashion and it is considered a great accomplishment to poison a rival and seduce his elvish mistress. The men are great fops and prone to change at the literal blowing of the wind. Powdered wigs are the norm as is ghastly makeup.

The stoutest children are delivered to the elves for whipping and scullery duty to put them in their place. They may return humbled, but they might also be changelings or 500 years older when their apprenticeships in the workshops of the elves are complete. They may come back the same day fully grown and half maddened.

There are no normal Dwarfs in Alfgrim but Duergar  and Redcaps abound in the woods and hills. Goblins and Hobs war with the elves on the borders of the elf lands and the occasional non-corrupt wandering preacher spreads the word of the Crucified Immortal Savior that was worshipped before Averoigne was clipped from the Aereth of long-ago. A million tiny saints have cropped up since then, and the worship of the gods of the Romani and Griega abounds beneath the surface and is accepted. The Master of the Chalice accepts dignitaries from the Bishop of Averoigne and sends couriers to and fro - they deal in finding heretics on the lam. These heretics are known to spread false doctrines of the nature of the demiurges that (if spread unchecked) could threaten the basis of the Averoignal Church

I envision some kind of Darklands/CAS/Mythos/Albrecht Durer/Pre-Raphaelite mockery of Chaucer and the Grail Legend

New Spells

1. Thornbloom
2. Prayer of St. Roch
3. Flyblown
4. Summon Dryad

New Monsters

1. Lapines - Rabbit Hobbits
2. Cruhound - the furious spirit of a faithful dog killed in anger by its master
3. Pilgrim Ghuls - flagellant penant-cannibals who wander in packs trying hard and generally failing to delay the onset of their ghoul sickness. They serve St. Wendy Go
4. Confessor Engines - great hulking suits of armor driven by the priests of the Crucified Immortal to find and destroy wayward heretics. They have a very narrow understanding of doctrine and do their best to flay and cremate armchair philosophers and theologians they come across after a brief debate
5. Worm Surgeons - they offer bleeding, tending of wounds, barbering, and the innoculation of Grinthworms to remove physical disfigurements. Usually unpleasantly symetrical and totally within the Uncanny Valley of physical perfection 

Random Encounters by Hex Type (more to come, here):

1. Road
2. Castle/Keep
3. City/Village/Town
4. Swamp/Riverside/Lakeshore
5. Hills
6. Fields
7. Forests

Even law abiding citizens ought not to be trusted in travelling the realm.  On a 1d4 roll of 1-3, the encounter will be dangerous and evil, and on a 4 the Reaction Roll will be adjusted to that of the lowest party member's - not the ostensible leader's.  Everyone is distrustful on the roads in Alfgrim.

Exports: silver, wheat, oak, pine, herbs, cinnabar, venoms, toxins, dragonscale and dragon flesh (not bones!), rubies, mushrooms, zombies and skeletal-automata, vivimantic chimerae

Imports: beef, chicken, corpses, lead, iron, exotic animals and monsters, spirits (alchemical), spirits (metaphysical)

Governmental structure: a loose aristocracy; the Master of the Enchanted Chalice is a despot but his concerns do not intersect with the day-to-day affairs of Alfgrim except in the matter of executions

Necromancy and Vivimancy are cottage industries and the Alfgrimners do hot trade with Y'lorgne and ship Chimerical monstrosities throughout the multiverse (mainly within the domains Alfgrim touches directly). Their arts of surgery and chirugery (and the subset skills of psychick chirugery) are well-advanced. The people have a very lawful streak, but almost all are pragmatist and sensible except in the matter of fashion and the most recent elfin fads and literature. They are by and large fairly dull and un-creative and easily ruled, doing their utmost to stay within the confines of the law and still make a profit and do the other party harm. Internecine strife is common and within the bounds of the law these feuds are perfectly legal.

Languages: the people of Alfgrim benefit from a steady diet of the pesc d'babel and use it in a number of condiments. Aminos from the fish provide the people of Alfgrim with a strange polyglottism and they all know a variety of modern and ancient languages. Low Gloranthan and Latinate Gothic are not susceptible to the amino frequencies of the fish and the first is used as the ritual language of the Worshipers of the Romani gods and the second as the language of the Church of of the Crucified Immortal

Stick that in your ear, monsieur

Population: as of QR 1871, Alfgrim's total population was about 428,000, mostly spread throughout several large cities and numerous villages. Isolated farm-steaders are often eaten by Hobs so the people of Alfgrim group in defensible walled settlements. Of these, perhaps 13000 are Duergar tradesmen, 7000 are elf and half-elfen aristocrats at court, and about 3000 others of various mixed local and inter-planar races. Of this small contingent, most are Saurioids (Sleestaks and Serpent-Men) and Crafted-persons (Golems of various types)

Main cities/villages

1. Külm (the ostensible capital and seat of the Yellow Castle and its court)
2. Theiönne
3. Meitz
4. Kurtesse
5. Arinz
6. Muteinne

Notable NPCs:

1. The Yellow King, Master of the Enchanted Chalice, Commander of the Army of Squamous Flame, Opener of the Gates of the Kingdom
2. Aric D'Anseln, High Lieutenant of the Order of the Chalice, Head Inquisitor
3. Veruc, Hobgoblin Archmagos
4. Aegelberth - Wandering Minstrel, key to the Narnian Gate (on the lam)
5. Roberiel - Master of Rats and Minister of Hameline
6. Byrine Gorgestes - Guardian of the Black Tower
7. Jehann Dehurke - epileptic messiah and Key to the Averoignal Gate
8. Laboragh Cortosk - Alchemist-Assassin and Head-Demon Worshipper of Vaubrac
9. Lafcadio Hanzo - Ninja/Cobbler, Pilgrim from the Ketsu Empire

Notable Unique Monsters

1. Yorghl and Grindhl the Dragons are long-dead but Rhindl bears their spawn at the bottom of the Gevaudrun Caverns. From there, monthly, a new dragon-spawn issues forth to wrack the lands. They still serve the Master of The Enchanted Chalice and it is unclear why he permits them to ravage the land. To kill dragons without a permit is High Treason.
2. Baroness Trustoupe - Doppelgänger Matriarch of Elteste. It is natural and common for doppelgangers to enter into service of thieves guilds and the Baroness is rumoured to be everywhere
3. Quentin Parago - Lapine Knight-Errant
4. Hamaradd - Owlbear Genius
5. Chuparant - Vampire, Current Key to the Ravenloft Gate (missing; presumed dormant - the Ravenloft Gate is open and unclosable)

Hearken Back to Adventure

Player 1, I watched Adventuretime with my kid today and there's a scene in which Finn the Human is carried through the air by a pack of Prankster Balloons that owe him a Blood Oath. Fulfilling their Oath, the mighty warrior allows then to fly free and finally die.

So then I was thinking about days of yore when adventures prompted this kind of thinking in me, and I came up with Atari Adventure, which predates even my exposure to Moldvay Dungeons and Dragons, I'm fairly certain.

A biggish dot. That's your class and race.

 

Your Quest?  Recover the Enchanted Chalice, taken and hidden by some evil sorcerer.  You start outside the Yellow Castle; it's never explicitly stated but the Yellow King is your Patron and he has charged you with bringing back what was stolen.

The sorcerer retired from this story - perhaps some necromancy went afoul and did him in. His three Dragons lurk the hedge mazes and catacombs of this mostly-empty land.  Yorghl, a Choppingdrake, fears the power of the Yellow King invested in his castle's Yellow Mithrael Key.  The Green Venturevore Grundle is madly jealous of the treasures placed in his care and pursues thieves to the ends of the realm, roaring mightily.  And lastly Rhindle the Red Flamiger is fast and treacherous and guards the entryway to the abandoned Red Castle in the far Southeastern Wastes.

Flitting above it all the Kleptobat Knubbherub occasionally and perversely screeches down to visit ruin upon unsuspecting questers by taking gold and artefacts at his whim. Some say that locking him away in the White Castle will ease his ceaseless flying. He flits about looking for a thing that most creatures cannot see.  A totem to enter into some secret dimension where a message may be read by only the most wise and patient.  The Bat may be the incarnated God of Thieves or perhaps an avatar of Kaos itself.

An elegant Yellow Mithrael sword that is nearly omnipotent - but The Bat is immune.  This legendary blade was salvaged from the Collosal Caves that the most hoary and sagacious remember only dimly.  It is as deadly when set down as it is when wielded by a master.

Keys to the various totemic castles that dot the Land. Yellow, White, Black.  These are made of strange alien metal and have additional properties that can only be unlocked by gifted questers.

The Magnet. Made of inert Black Oridium, the magnet has no effect upon standard ferrous metals but it attracts the Ancient Keys from a distance.  It can even pull the Enchanted Chalice through solid walls, and deflect the Bracket Bridge's path momentarily.  The Sword hurtles through the air when brought within a certain distance of this mysterious horseshoe - perhaps they are attuned, somehow.

The Bracket Bridge - Precursor technology allows the Questor's passage through solid walls and thorny hedges without slowing.  The device is rather cumbersome.

The Enchanted Chalice glows with a reaffirming light, and Dragons are naturally attracted to this glow and the constant beautiful hum the orichalcum inside it resonates with.  What will happen when the Chalice is brought back to the Yellow Castle (1d20)?

1.  The Castle will dis-enchant and the magics inside will be invested into the Questor, who gains 1000 XP per difficulty level

2.  The Bat is revealed to be an avatar of Nyarlathotep - somewhere he is startled and drops the Brown Book of Wor

3.  The Great Old One Robinette will come again to deliver his Æostre Message.

4.  The Reality Switches click clack smoothly to the right - all Dragons gain +3 to their attacks this Quest

5.  Level Select!  All the items in the Land are taken up by the Great Processor and moved to another random location.

6.  Previously unknown Castles arise, and the landscape shifts to allow passage to these hitherto hidden demesnes

7.  the Bat becomes a terrible Black Dragon that can swallow Players and Questors on his own

8.  Flylike robot beings from beyond the sky swoop down to nibble on the walls of all Castles, occasionally firing gouts of devastating magic.  It's rumored they destroyed the Magician, somehow

9.  A hulking Gorilla is set loose upon the lands and its mazes.  He throws barrels and steals the daughters of royalty away. He hates plumbers.

10.  The great adventurer Harry runs by, always heading to the right.  Is it eastward?  Eventually he clambers down into the gloomy depths of the Æreth to rescue his cat.

11. Glowing Yellow dots appear throughout the land, and adventurers are set upon by colorful ghosts, released periodically from dungeons beneath the Gray Castle from whence none may enter and that none living hath glimpsed

12.  The Mithrael Sword vanishes! It is replaced by a spinning knife disc, or else a maul that inflicts an improved die of damage upon fire creatures

13.  Local gravity near the edges of pits is greatly increased; these effects are more pronounced upon Lawful alien beings

14.  You may now find a Whip, A Map, A Parachute, and a Pistol. The Pistol has no ammunition.

15.  A fiendish mad bomber appears at the top of all Castles, hurling explosive bombes down at all that approach

16.  A rabid female Kangaroo appears, who punches all Monkeys, Gorillas, and Dragons until an adventurer aids her or is directly responsible for bringing her Joey safely to her. The Monkey King loudly objects

17.  The King's Chef is set upon by animated Pickles, Eggs, and other terrible Hamburger Toppings. He uses Essential Saltes and gravity to quell these  possessed foodstuffs

18.  Missiles stream from the sky, come to destroy the pitiful rulers of the land and their colorful Castles

19.  The Kings war with each other frenetically, hurling stones and fireballs at each other for days until a truce is finally negotiated.  It is possible the Princess has eloped with a Plumber

20.  the Wizard of War approacheth, with his Smiling Orb of Doom and an Army of One-Eyed Laserbots. All shall tremble and despair!

Yorghl, a voracious Dragon: +8 initiative, Bite +10 (1d12), HD 10d10+25, Action Die 1d20+1d6, Reflex +5, Will -10, Fortitude +8.  Alignment N.  May roar once per encounter causing a DC 16 Fear effect in all who hear, with those failing must run opposite. Those that save are at -3 to attack that round.  He will flee when the Yellow Key is presented strongly.  He collects all jokes told to him in a book bound in the skin of Pole-Vaulting Perverts (the so-called Brown Book)

Other Dragons have similar statistics.  At night, Grues and Ghosts wander the land, looking for Adventurers that want for light.  It is rumored a great number of artefacts as powerful as the Chalice exist, and the Chalice was stolen from an Underground Empire far away

Other dragons are posited to exist/wished to exist but have not been espied.  Those swallowed by the Dragons are not killed - nothing in this land may ever be killed forever - but they do acquire minor corruptions that may be relieved by the hot breath of Giants