Thinking about Mordheim, Necromunda, 7th Edition, and how to increase laffs and thereby reduce the grimdarkness/laffs ratio in my games. Don’t get me wrong, I like skulls, dark ink washes, and crosshatching like any good imperial citizen, but Rogue Trader and the earlier games were subversive and hilarious and recent games are maybe mechanically smoother but almost entirely devoid of humor. Thatcher-era punk commentary vs. internet-enabled ultra-capitalism and whatnot. I dunno, it might be worth a blog-post someday…
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| There were once Fat Space Marines. |
Anyhow, these are extra touches to add to Imperial forces; kind of my usual selection. Where included, Civilians have 1 Wound, 3 Toughness, and no saves unless they Go To Ground or are in cover (which they are advised to seek out as they flee across the battlefield). Dissidents might have an autopistol, Mutants might have Mastery Level 1 powers drawn at random (and optionally add 1 Mastery point to BOTH sides). The idea is to add some human sensibilities to the thing.
I have an idea that my Genestealer Cult army might be a Carbonated Cola distributor, pushing fizzy tainted drinks onto an unsuspecting and over-weight Hive population, tithing to the Imperial Coffers dutifully with one eye to space, awaiting the Shadow of the Hiveships.
1) Castigate this Scum!
a. Several of these nobles and commoners are known to harbor tainted genes and philosophies. Eradicate identified targets, and root out heresy and put it to cleansing flame. Gain 1 victory point for each Civilian casualty you inflict; the models are under the other player’s control. They may not attach to any units, but may be transported provided there is sufficient space.
b. The civilians are split evenly before deployment; they may not deploy within your or your opponent’s deployment zone. Take turns deploying each civilian model in turn.
c. If a Civilian model reaches a table edge, remove it. You lose 1 victory point, in this case. You may choose to lose another, if this happens, and deploy d3 Civilian models in an unoccupied building or terrain piece – this scum has been found out and are making a run for it!
d. Note that you may reach 0 Victory Points under these conditions but you may never earn less than 0 regardless of the number of escapees.
2) The Burden of Mercy
a. An order from above inexplicably calls for the safety and protection of the Civilians in this area. The opponent deploys d6 Civilian models, which cannot start in your deployment zone but may deploy in his or hers, and may not be deployed within 12 inches of any of his or her units. You control them, and they start in Cover.
b. During your movement phase, move these models 2d6 inches as you wish. They may join your infantry units or be transported in vehicles if there is sufficient space – however they use the unit’s movement in that case.
c. If they reach your table edge, or they are alive and in cover at the end of the game, then gain 1 Victory Point
d. If they are killed by the enemy, then lose 1 Victory Point, and then spawn d3 more within the enemy’s deployment zone but not within 12’ of any enemy units, and they arrive in cover as if they had gone to ground.
3) Purify These Zones
a. Each objective marker must be hit with a flamer template or a shot from a melta- or plasma-based weapon. Each marker has 2 Wounds, Toughness 6 and you may claim 1 Victory Point for each wound you cause. If you reduce the objective to 0 wounds, it explodes with a large blast radius, and each model under the template takes a S6 AP5 hit, and further you lose 1 Victory Point! Don’t hold the trigger down for too long. A single shot combi-flamer pod may be purchased for 15 points per model.
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| One Squad is Insufficient. |
4) The Taint of Heresy
a. This zone is rife with Intolerable Dissent. Your opponent distributes d6 Civilians wherever he or she wishes. You must identify Civilian models as Heretics, Muties, or Dissidents! Any unit with a model bearing an Auspex or Psyocculum may enter a building or terrain model, and by doing so identifies 1d3 Civilians that immediately flee toward the nearest table edge – 1d6 inches immediately, and then 2d6 during the opponents’ movement phase. If a unit so equipped touches the base of any Civilian models, they will be targets on a d6 roll of 5 or 6, and can be eliminated for 1 Victory Point each. If any targets remain on the board at the end of the game, Lose 1 Victory Point. For each unexplored building, the opponent receives a Victory Point on a d6 roll of 3+. A unit or character may purchase an Auspex for 20 points, and a character may purchase a psyocculum for 30 points.
5) Enforced Embargo!
a. The opponent nominates 3 enemy units or vehicles – those units or vehicles are suspected of bearing Contraband. Perhaps a shipment of Spook, or Capito-Communist Pamphlets, or even Anadentist Tracts. If the unit or vehicle is destroyed or retreats off the opponent’s table edge, then roll a d6. The first will be the target on a 6, the second on 5+, and the third on 4+. Only one unit or vehicle will bear the Contraband, and for identifying the target and eliminating it you gain d3 Victory Points. If you fail in this critical mission, your opponent gains 2 Victory Points at the end of the game.
The soda will be called TAINT. If it tain’t TAINT don’t drink it! Now to make up a little poster: DRINK TAINT NOW
